Norah Kate- The Warrior Against Sleep

I have always been able to fall asleep at the drop of a hat.  Mama said when I was a kid growing up she would find me in a corner with a pillow and blanket curled up asleep.  I am still that way... I can lay down at night and be asleep in less than a minute.  Not my daughter though, no, she is a fighter.

It all started when she was about 5 or 6 weeks old.  Before, I could nurse her and she would go right on to sleep and I could put her down and her not wake up.  Now though, we nurse, then we rock, then we sing, then we rock some more... she will get almost asleep and then those little eyes will shoot open, she spits her paci out, and starts slinging her arms and kicking her legs.  I joke and say she fights off the sandman.  She was fighting it so bad the other night (I mean, we had been trying to go to bed for about two hours) that everytime she would shoot her eyes open I would gently run my hand over her face to get her to close her eyes.  Haha, it eventually worked... she left them closed.  Here lately, I have fallen asleep many times hanging off the side of the bed either rubbing her tummy or holding that stinking paci in her mouth! I have finally gotten where I just leave her in her basinet and let her play herself to sleep.  As long as she isn't fussing I leave her in there, usually she wears herself out... sometimes she starts crying and I have to rock her to sleep.  I guess I should count my blessings that she will actually put herself to sleep!



This is how I feel sometimes!

Last night was her first night in her pack and play.  My sweet girl has outgrown her basinet.  I don't think she had enough room to squirm and stretch like she wants.  We successfully slept through the night!! Yay!!  Well I say we, I was still up every 2 hours or so checking on her.  My daddy used to pick on Mama because he said she would jump out of bed during the night and snatch us up in a panic. To my mama's defense, that was when SIDS was really coming about.  I know now exactly how she felt.  I will wake up at a start and sling the covers off of me and put my hand on her tummy until I feel her breath.  I don't wake her up, but it is such a scary feeling...  Matt does the same thing though.. except he wakes me up to check on her.  Last night he thought I had brought her in the bed with us, but it was Hoss (our yorkie/maltese puppy) that was sleeping in between us.  I was confused for a minute too, I looked in the bed, then in the pack and play, then back to the bed.  Oh, those sleep deprived moments  :)

She finally played herself to sleep at about 10pm, then we slept until 4am, nursed and went right back to sleep until 8am.  That was the longest stretch we have had in about 2 weeks!  I guess between having more room to stretch out and being finished with our growth spurt we are back on schedule!  For the last two weeks we have been up every 2 to 3 hours at night.  I feel so rested today that I don't know what to do with myself!

This is the sweetness I woke up to this morning. 

She had turned herself all around in that pack and play!

Before Norah Kate wakes up in the morning, she stretches, squirms, grunts, squeaks, (Matt and I call it her bird noises) rubs her eyes, then sleeps for about 5 more minutes then repeats the process.  This process can last for about 30 minutes sometimes.  This morning she woke me up about 20 minutes before she actually woke up because she was making all these noises.  She acts just like Matt during all this.  I can wake up at the drop of a hat, not Matt though, he stretches and yawns and then sleeps for another few minutes then stretches and squirms, so on and so forth.

My suggestions to moms who are having troubles getting their little ones to sleep well through out the night:

• Make sure they are comfy.  I had poor Norah Kate in a bed too little!
• Make sure they are cool/warm enough.
• Get their tummies full before bed.  With Norah Kate I will burp her and really try to make sure she gets the most of her nursie before she goes to sleep.
• I turn on the whitenoise machine while she is first falling asleep, it seems to help her relax.
• There was one time she woke up during the night last night, it was about 1am, but I just gave her the paci, rubbed her tummy, and "Shhhh'ed".  I didn't talk to her or pick her up and she drifted right back on.  I think before I was jumping up to quick and she got a little spoiled by it.
• I try to keep our room pretty dark too... I was reading where babies aren't afraid of the dark until 18 months old, if they are going to get afraid of it.  I don't like for it to be pitch black though because then I can't see her when I wake up.  I leave on our bathroom light and it gives just enough light in our room for me to be able to see her.

People might say I should put her in her room if she is keeping me up, but I am not ready for that yet.  I wouldn't trade those "bird noises" for anything!  As long as she is making those noises in her sleep, I know that she is okay.

Here's to more sleep-FULL nights :)

Tornados & Showers

This weekend was super crazy for me.  It all started Friday when Norah Kate and I had to seek cover in our hallway because we were in the middle of tornadoes.  My brother called me first to tell me that there was bad weather in the town next to us and the weather was supposed to get rough so to keep an ear out.  It was drizzling rain outside, but the wind didn't seem bad at all.  I told him I would turn the weather channel on.  I tune in to our local news to find out that my town is under a tornado warning also.  Before I could even get off the phone with my brother, my mama was calling in a  panic... she too had heard that the we were under a tornado warning and wanted to make sure I knew about it.  I told her the weather wasn't bad here yet, but I was listening out.  I moved Norah Kate away from the window and put her on a pallet on the floor.  I look out the window and all of a sudden the wind was whipping and the rain was coming down.  I could hardly see out of the window.  I got little girl up and made us a pallet in the hallway.  We   camp out there for about 20 minutes.  Matt would call, then Mama, then my daddy...then Matt, then Mama, then Daddy and so on until the weather passed.   I am normally scared of bad weather, but I guess being a mommy made me calm.  I just knew that I wanted my baby to be safe!  I prayed and prayed the whole time we were in the hallway.  Luckily, the worst of it went all around us.  Matt and I didn't have any damage to our house or any of our farms, just much needed rain!  Several local farmers lost pivots, and many people had damage to their homes.  Its funny what your priorities are as a farmers wife... as soon as things settled down I ran to the window to check on our pivot to make sure the wind didn't get, then when Matt was riding around checking farms I asked if we had gotten too much rain anywhere.  We were very blessed that day!  Norah Kate was a trooper during her first tornado warning!

Saturday, Matt and I hosted a couples wedding shower for some friends of ours who are getting married in March.  Because I had a lot to do that day setting up and getting ready, I let my mama keep Norah Kate for most of the day.  I dropped her off at about 1:30 and then went to town.  I was in and out of the house a few times that day, but never really got to hold her or spend much time with her.  Mama also brought her to the shower.  When mama left the shower at about 7:30, I told her to take the baby home with her because it was so cold and I still had to finish breaking everything down.  For some reason I got really emotional when Mama left.  Boy, talk about someone undecorating a party in a hurry!  I practically threw the decorations in my car.  Some people were still hanging around the fire and I told Matt to stay while I went home.  Worst hostess ever, I know!  By the time I got to my parents house I was almost hysterical.  I just sat and held Norah Kate and cried.  She was fine, she didn't even know I was gone.  I was the one having issues... I don't know if it was hormones or what.  All I know is I have a long way to go before I go back to work.  I was only "gone" from her for about eight hours, and not even that really because I still saw her throughout the day.  When I go back to work, I will be gone for almost 14 hours,driving time and all.  I guess it hit me all at once and was a tad bit overwhelming.  I know people go back to work every day.  I also know that most women go back when their babies are 8 weeks old, and I am staying out until she is 12 weeks old.  I am grateful for this time I have home with her, and I am also grateful for the fact that I won't have to put her in daycare when I go back.  I will be working every weekend nights, so I can keep her during the week and Matt, my mama and mother in law can keep her during the weekend while I am working and sleeping.  I just pray that it gets easier :)  Sometimes I get frustrated with the whole "women's rights" movement.  Call me shallow, but I would be perfectly content being a stay at home mom raising babies and being a housewife.  I have enjoyed being home so much!  Cooking, cleaning, and being mommy makes me happy!

Another milestone this weekend, we have outgrown the bassinet.  She can't stretch out and squirm around like she likes too, so tonight I am taking down the bassinet and putting up the pack and play in our room (talk about one sad mama....)  I am hoping though that it will help her rest better at night.  Also, she has started squealing when you are talking to her.  It started Sunday... she would try so hard to talk and coo, then out came the squeal.  It was so cute!  She got this look on her face like "did I just make that sound?"  I guess that is one reason that I am sad about going back to work, is that I don't want to miss one single thing.  So far we have an agreement... if she does anything new while I am at work, no one will tell me about it.  When I see it, we have to pretend it is the first time, that way I won't feel like I missed it!  I pray that God will give me peace when going back to work, and that I will have an easy transition.

Ohhh, I didn't even think about that...

In that last month of pregnancy, while I was so busy making sure Norah Kate had everything she needed after delivery: stocked nursery, basinet with diapers and wipes in our room, packed and organized diaper bag, baby essentials, I didn't even think about what I might need for after delivery.  Thank goodness for a life-saving email I got from The Bump., otherwise I might have been totally unprepared!  For those of you who are preggo, make sure you join this website.  It is free and they will give you updates on your baby as it grows, and they also send you emails with good articles.  Well this email was about "What happens down there...after delivery."  The lightbulb went off, ohhhhh my, I didn't even think about that!

Here is your warning:  those of the male species you may want to just skip this post all together, those of you who are weak in the stomach, skip on, but those of you who are pregnant for the first time... you might just find this helpful.

Now I know you are thinking, ew, is she really writing about this?  Yep, because I had no idea what to expect.  Yeah, I had my postpartum clinicals in nursing school, but come on, we all know how we getting shorted a good clinical experience at school.  My postpartum clinicals consisted of taking vital signs, fetching water, we "watched" a fundus get massaged, and I got to help a lady up to the bathroom, yay me :)  Because of my career, my friends being nurses, and a good bit of family being in healthcare, bowel habits, symptoms and side effects are nothing short of a dinner conversation.

Below are things that I found very helpful after a third degree tear and an almost 9lb baby:


Pads:  plenty of them, whichever brand you prefer (Kotex, Always, etc.)  You won't be able to use tampons, so get over it.

Witch hazel pads (TUCKS pads):  you can find them at your local supermarket or drug store.  Witch hazel is used for inflammation and stinging.  They are good to wipe with and just to leave on  your pad.

Advil:  I was fortunate not to have to take anything any stronger.  You will be sore.  I hurt all over.  I felt like I had just done the hardest workout of my life (thinking back, I really did).  My neck hurt, back hurt, legs hurt...  The first night we came home, I sat down on the dining room chair and thought I was going to jump out of my skin!  Nothing but soft, comfy surfaces for a while please!

Cotton, full coverage panties:  Go ahead and go to Walmart and purchase some cheap panties that cover you up!  The last thing  you are going to want is a ruined pair of Victoria's Secret panties.  Same goes for your pajamas.  I mean, if you are okay with the fact that a pair of $50 pjs might get ruined, then go ahead... don't say I didn't warn ya.

Ask for extras when you leave the hospital.  I got them to send me home with an extra thing of everything.  Pads, epifoam, and Dermaplast spray.  The epifoam and Dermaplast along with the TUCKS pads made everything feel so much better "down there."  The last thing I wanted was to send poor Matt out in search of these things, so I wanted to make sure I had enough!

Also, you know how you laugh at your mom when she is running in the house, "I gotta pee!"  Go ahead and laugh now, just wait until you have one of your own!  I was really concerned at first, I thought I was going to have to purchase some Depends!  When I had to go, there was no holding it!  My OB told me that was very common after childbirth, especially big babies.  Go ahead and plan on doing your Kegels!!

Go ahead and get you  a stool softener (Colace), and ask for them in the hospital.  You will want that first #2 to be as easy as possible after all that.

If you can, arrange for help!  I had so much help after I had Norah Kate.  Thankfully.  I am very close with my family and my in-laws.  It seemed like every day for a week someone was here, either to help do the laundry, dishes, hold the baby so I could get a shower, cook or bring supper.  It was amazing.  Little things like that were life-savers, greatly appreciated.  If it's offered don't turn it down, if it's not offered ask for it :)

Anyhow, I know you probably think I am crazy now, but I hope this helps for you first time preggos out there.  I was not even thinking about what I would need after the baby got here.  I wasn't expecting things to be so, um, well, brutal.

8 weeks old!

Norah Kate turned 8 weeks old yesterday!  I am not believing how time fast has gone by, nor am I liking it.  Sometimes at night when I am nursing her, I just stare at her- trying to memorize every little thing.



So what are we up to you ask? 

We are smiling big, almost laughing out loud (right now it is more of a grunt or squeal when she thinks something is funny), almost rolling over (she can get on that side pretty good), and growing like crazy.  We are in size 0-3 month clothes and really filling them out. 



What does she love?

• She loves her little lamb play pillow/mat thing.  We lay it on the floor and she will lay there and look around.  She is starting to really take things in.  If she isn't sure of something, she will furrow her brow in the cutest way (that is when she looks the most like her daddy!). 
• She loves to be sang to.  Bless her heart, because I can't carry a tune in a bucket, mostly I hum.  When I do sing, Matt laughs because I make up words and combine songs together.  When she is fussing in her carseat I can turn the music up (not super loud) and she will quit right on down and listen to the music.
• She loves a mobile.  She has one on her swing and a portable one on her changing table.  She smiles so big at those birds and butterflies.  It is just precious!



  

Are we sleeping through the night? 

• Nope.  We were... for about a week.  Now we are all of schedule.  Sleeping for 3-4 hour stretches and nursing like crazy.  Hopefully it is a growth spurt.  I have been tweaking a few things in our routine to try to get her to sleep a little better... so when I find what works I will be blogging all about it.  She is still sleeping  in her basinet in our room.

How much are we eating? 

• About 5 ounces or so (when I pump, she may be taking a little more or less when I breastfeed) every 3-4 hours.  That girl knows she loves her nursie (that's the name Matt came up with for breastfeeding/eating).  When she starts fussing while he has her he will holler out, "Katie, it's nursie time!!"  Priceless :)

What makes her mad? 

• Not getting told she is pretty.  You see, any time someone is in the room they are supposed to be talking to her, telling her how sweet and how pretty she is.  She loves the attention.  When she isn't getting it, or feels ignored ,she lets you know. 
• We don't like tummy time too much, she gets cranky. 
• We also don't like when nursey is interupted for a burping.  Norah Kate eats like her daddy and acts like her mama.  Don't you dare make her wait on food, and once you give it to her don't try to take it away!
• Jillian Michaels.  No joke, I can turn on that workout video even if she is sound asleep, she starts fussing.  She don't like me working out to that video for some reason.  I usually have to do a circuit, then sooth her, then do another circuit.  So what should be a 30 minute work out, usually turns into an hour.  Not that I blame her though, sometimes I want to mute Jillian Michaels myself.

She goes to the doctor Tuesday, so I can't wait to get an official weight on her.  According to our scales at home she is 11.6 pounds.  Mama's big girl!  While I am looking foward to watching her grow, I just wish it would take twice as long :)

The Breastfeeding Battle.. I mean Basics

Breastfeeding is supposed to be natural right, so convienent.  Not for this momma.  I don't think there has ever been anything more challenging.  It almost caused me to have a postpartum nervous breakdown.

I thought I was doing everything right.  I did skin to skin immdiately after delivery.  I attempted to nurse as soon as they brought her to me from the nursery.  I bought a nursing pillow.  I met with the lactation consultant.  I had my nurse watch me breastfed.  Everything.  Norah Kate wasn't latching to very well when we left the hospital.  My nurse and the lactation consultant assured me she was just sleepy and wouldn't nurse for very long this early and to keep trying.  So we went home, still breastfeeding.

Our first night home we sent everyone home, things were smooth, I didn't need any help.  And they did go great... she seemed to nurse ok.  Still not for very long.  Then day 3, our second night home, she nursed ok all day.  However, at about 1:30 that night, she forgot how to latch.  My milk had come in throughout the night and I was tight as a tick.  Engorgement.  I was sitting in the bed trying my darndest to get her to nurse, milk literally leaking out, and she would not latch on.  I was thinking to myself... what the heck is the problem!  The milk is pouring out??? Why can't you drink it?  I battled, and cried, and battled.  She would screams, choke, turn so red she was almost purple, pant, kick, claw... anything but nurse.  I finally woke Matt up and he took her and walked through the house bouncing and talking to her until she calmed down.  She settled down, he brought her back, and I tried again.  Nope, not happening.  I cried, "It shouldn't be this hard!  I don't know what I am doing wrong!"  I finally just took my shirt off in case that was hindering progress.  Nothing was helping.  So I cried, and we attempted to nurse, and we walked, and we bounced, and we cried.

At one point, Matt has Norah Kate and he was bouncing her.  He was walking and talking.  I am behind him, squaling, shirtless, milk dripping down, tears falling.  Norah Kate screaming.  "You are just going to have to calm down," he said.  I still don't know if he was talking to me or her.  This is why I love my husband.  The sensible, calm one in a crisis.  At about 3:30 I send my mom a text, "Come to house first thing in the am, we are going to see a lactation consultant."  I was also texting my sweet sister-in-law who is a L&D nurse, asking if their lactation consultant would be a work that day.  Finally at 6:30, we still had not successfully nursed, I can remember how pitiful my baby looked.  Screaming her head off, starving.  It looked like she was shriveling up before my eyes (I was this delusional, yes), then I remember the hospital had given me a hand pump.  I frantically hand pump a bottle for her, but I thought I was breaking some breastfeeding law.  They tell you, no pacifiers, no nipples, no bottles, no formula supplementation, that all of this will lead to ineffective breastfeeding.  As a nurse, I wanted to breastfeed.... I knew how good it was for the baby, and for me...I wanted to be a pro at it.

Anyways, I call my mom, crying my eyes out (apparently the postpartum hormones were at their peak), telling her to come quick to the house, that I couldn't feed the baby, she wouldn't latch.  When mom arrives, I am sitting in the recliner, still crying, holding my sweet angel, Matt is looking exhausted and forlorned on the couch.  Even our poor dog looked exasperated.  She tiptoed in the house, "What in the world happened?"  "I practically starved her!!" I exclaimed.  Mama comforted me and assured me she didn't look starved.  I dreaded the next feeding.  I felt like a failure of a mother.  I was supposed to be able to do this, I wasn't supposed to need help.

I called the lactation consultant prompty at 8:00am and left a pitiful message.  I couldn't control the tears in my voice.  She told me to keep trying, that my milk had come in and I was engorged.  She told me to take a hot shower and take some pressure off and to use the hand pump to release some pressure so that she could latch better.  Also, don't go any longer than 2-3 hours without nursing.  Most importantly, drink plenty of fluids, eat, and RELAX.  So we try that, all with success.  We were back to breastfeeding!  Yay!

Not so fast, like clock work, when the sun went down, the issues all came back.  For some reason she got cranky and fiesty at night (probably because that was her day time seeing as I worked nights during my pregnancy).  Bring on the kicking, screaming, and clawing.  She would not latch despite all my efforts and newly learned tricks.  My sister in laws tried to help, my mother in law, my mom... everyone.   I don't think I ever had so many people touching on my boobs.  At one point even my poor daddy was standing in the doorway.  He didn't like seeing his two babies in such distress.  This time my mama stayed the night and I graciously welcomed her.

The next night was no different... if anything it was worse.  We still weren't latching, even with the pump taking pressure off.  Nonetheless, because we were having so many difficulties and I was so stressed and exhausted my milk supply dropped.  I was only pumping an 1-1.5 ounces when she was taking 2.  Talk about a frantic mama.  I was a nervous wreck.

The next day, now that my lactation consultant was on speed dial, I called her again.  As a nurse, I was counting diapers, we weren't meeting the criteria, and she was looking jaundiced to me.  Now, my type A personality was not going to let this beat me.  I was not going down without a fight.  I starting taking fenugreek, a herbal supplement to help with my supply (sometime over the next day or so, I dropped down to almost nothing when I pumped), started pumping every hour to 2 hours, and still nursing.  I did have to supplement with a few formula bottles when I didn't have enough pumped up.  I was pumping double time to try and keep up with her.  At our first pediatricians check up she had lost down to 7lbs 13 ounces, I was heartbroken.  They assured me that was alright, to keep breastfeeding, and that the jaundice didn't look so bad, but to call if it got worse.

The battle continues... I can't remember now which days were what, but I researched, Googled, called lactation consultants, friends who breastfed, ate everything in site, drank gobs and gobs of water, everything to try and increase my supply.  I tried different nursing positions.  Everything to get her to latch.  I even laid in bed for about 4 hours half naked one afternoon doing skin to skin with her (I really think that helped alot! So did the fenugreek.)  Finally when my baby was a little over a week old, my mother-in-law gets me a nipple shield.  For those who don't know, a nipple shield is a little plasticky, rubbery thing sorta  shaped like a bottle nipple that goes over your breast.  It was a life saver!!!  We were latching like a pro with that thing. Why my lactation consultant didn't suggest that, I don't know.

So now we were rocking along, and still are.  I still pump occasionally to keep her used to drinking for a bottle, and to monitor my supply.  No more nipple shield for us, I gradually weaned her from it when she was about a month old.  I also weaned myself off the fenugreek.  Most importantly no more formula!!  Bless her heart, hopefully those 3 or 4 formula bottles she got supplemented with won't affect her longterm (just kidding).

Now breastfeeding still isn't easy.  Oh no ma'm.  We still kick and claw, and scream occasionally.  She nurses so aggressively.  She drinks so fast, and gets mad as fire if it isn't coming out right.  You know how you see those people breastfeeding in public, covered up so nicely.  Nope, that is not us.  I would flash anyone who is watching.  There is no keeping that baby covered.  It's like wrestling a wild hog most of the time when she nurses. Also, it's really not more convienent.  Because my little one is so wild, I can not nurse in public, I have to go to the car, or a bedroom.  You constantly have to think about what you are wearing (Is this shirt something easy to open or lift up? Dresses are out of the question.) And talk about the mess, usually at the end of a feeding we are both soaked through with breastmilk and sweat.   I do it though, A because I am not a quitter, and B it's sooo good for her and for me.  Not to mention the precious bonding time, when she is nursing good, not fighting me every step of the way.  There is truly nothing sweeter. 

My advice to new moms out there who have milk supply/latch issues in the beginning (lactation consultants click your tongues and shake you head if you wish)... don't be afraid to supplement if you have to, but pump like crazy, and still try to nurse.  Go ahead and buy some Fenugreek just in case.  Don't you dare let that formula bottle take the place of a feeding without pumping because you will dry up for sure.  Pump every 2 hours ATLEAST to build up your supply (They call it Power Pumping).  I am not an expert by any means, but I had to learn the hard way.  Most importantly, eat right and drink plenty.  I was so busy being "mommy" I forgot to eat.  Yeah, I lost down to pre-pregancy weight 3 or 4 days postpartum, but my dairy ran dry too, shot myself in the foot so to say!  Keep trying and don't be afraid to ask for help!  Also, use a nipple shield if it is a latch issue- you won't be breaking some breastfeeding law.  Just find out what works best for you and your baby.

I hope to keep breastfeeding for the first year, but we shall see how things go when I go back to work.  See I work 12 hour shifts and am responsible for 2 to 3 patients who are critically ill... so hopefully I will find the time to break away for 10-15 minutes to go pump, and hopefully my co-workers will be supportive.  Let the trials and challenges of motherhood continue....

Pregnancy & Labor

Easter day, April 24, 2011 I found out I was four weeks pregnant.  Happy tears still come to my eyes thinking about that day.  Matt & I were not trying necessarily... we just weren't really being careful anymore.   I had been off birth control since December.  I wanted a honeymoon baby.  I have always wanted children, but Matt wanted to wait a year or two.  Like most couples though, we thought it would take a while since I had been on the pill for so long.  Ummm, nope.  Apparently we are pretty fertile.
I can remember like it was yesterday...  I remember my boobs being soooo sore, and I should have started my period that morning.  My period came like clock work every month, so for it to be late afternoon and me still not have started was kinda wierd.  For fun, I took a pregnancy test.  I didn't tell Matt ahead of time, because I didn't want him to freak for no reason.  I remember looking down at the strip and seeing  the tiniest shade of pink for the second line.  Two lines mean pregnant.  What if one of the lines is light pink, so light you can barely see it though??  What does that mean?  Sorta pregnant?  Really hormonal??  My heart was racing, my stomach was flopping.  Yeah, I wanted a baby, but this soon??  What is Matt going to say?  So I Google it.  Yes, I Google what a light pink line meant on a pregnancy test.  You are pregnant.  Yay!!  Immediately, I fell in love with my baby.

Of course, Matt was dilly dallying on the farm that afternoon, we were visting family into late that afternoon, so it was late that night before we had time alone.  I put a little piece of paper in a plastic easter egg that said,

"In January we will be hatching our own little egg!  We are pregnant!"

Talk about nerves!  I was shaking when I gave him the egg.  I don't know why I felt so unsure of his reaction.  He laughed and said, "Really?"  Well, I went into this long expaination about how the strip wasn't pink-pink, just light pink...yadayada, and showed it too him and asked what he thought.  He was grinning from ear to ear and said, "I think your pregnant."  He wanted to call everyone right away and tell them.  I told him to wait a little bit, that I would take another test in the morning and see what it looked like.  There was no jumping up and down, no tears, but that's not my hubby.  That smile meant everything to me though, that was his way of jumping of and down and shouting to the rooftops.  Three tests later, and a RED second line on the test, it finally sank in:  We were gonna have a baby!!

I can't keep secrets, so I couldn't wait to tell my mama.  After about a week, I took a picture on my phone of the tests.  I told her to look at what I took a picture of today, tell me if she could help me figure out what it was.  She sputtered and stuttered..."Is this... are  you.. does this mean...oh my goodness...are you...eekkk... (loud scream and the tears come on)  I am going to be a grandma!!!"  Priceless.  I wish I coulda recorded it.

Looking back, I really had a wonderful pregnancy.  The first trimester I was really exhausted.  It didn't matter if I got 12 hours of sleep.  I was a zombie.  I sleep constantly.  To my defense, I was working nights full time, 12 hour shifts, and taking a summer Master's class- Pathophysiology.  I was nauseated some, and only threw up a handful of times... Mostly a night.  I would wake up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat and run to the toilet.  And the heat... ugh... Matt said I kept the house like a meat cooler.  I only gained about 30 pounds, and was all baby.  I kinda miss being pregnant.  I miss feeling her move inside me.  I miss my preggo tummy.  I miss maternity jeans!  Nothing beats elastic waist bands :)  I really didn't swell to bad, only a little at the end of a 12 hour shift.  I mowed grass, walked, planted flowers, ran (at the beginning), cleaned house, worked nights, and even moved to a new house, all while pregnant.  I tried not to let it slow me down, and I think it helped with my delivery.  I had minimal back pain, but I contribute it to working 12 hour shifts.  After the first trimester, food tasted so much better while pregnant... maybe it was the guiltfree-ness of it.

 

one big preggo mama

My delivery was wonderful also.  I kept thinking she was going to come early, on her own.  Nope, too much like her Daddy... I had to be induced.  I walked, had sex, ate spicy foods, took hot baths, EVERYTHING to try to induce labor naturally.  The day I went in to be induced I was only fingertip and soft.  Not very much cervical change.  My OB told me to plan on being in labor for a day to a day and a half.  They did an ultrasound for weight estimation on the baby, 8lbs 4 oz.  Now, being 115lbs pre-pregnancy and 5'1" I was thinking "oh crap, c-section." 

Matt and I get ready and I am admitted to the hospital at 8pm, December 28th.  They give me the first dose of cytotec at about 10pm. 

At 2am, when they checked me and before the second dose of cytotec I was only 1cm, 50% effaced... dadgum.  Slow progress.

At 3:30, I was hurting BAD.  I was so frustrated with myself for being wimpy.  My nurse checked me and I was only 2cm.  Are you kidding me??  Me being a nurse, I wanted to be a good patient and not complain, but man those contractions were kicking.  They gave me Demerol and phenergan.  Yuck.  Never again.  I was so drunk, so sleepy, so nauseated and still hurting!  I threw up, I could still feel every contraction and would just fall asleep for the minute or so between them.  I couldn't talk straight or think straight.

I suffered, and cried, and screamed (yes, I am embarassed to say it) until about 6am.  They came in to give me the 3rd dose of cytotec and I almost refused it!  I told the nurse I thought I was going to have to get my epidural or something because I was dying ( and yep, I really thought I was dying.  I said I was never doing this again. (get pregnant that is)) it was horrible.  I am still so embarassed.  During those last few weeks, I thought I might be having contractions... um no, they did not even compare to the contractions I was having in the hospital.  It felt like someone was cutting me open with a jagged blade. Worst. Pain. Ever.  I will never forget it.  I truly admire people who can do it naturally.  I don't think I could have focused enough through the pain to push my baby out!  Too, the demerol had me so dopey that I couldn't focus enough to really breath through my contractions.  The nurse told me she didn't think I had dilated far enough to get my epidural, but she would check me anyways.  Six centimeters!!  What?!?  This whole time I thought I was just being wimpy and I was making progress.  Dang!  Why didn't I ask for them to check me sooner?!  Oh yeah, because I had NO IDEA what to expect.  Please, dear Lord, give me my epidural!!!

Now, because we thought I would be in labor for so long, we told our moms to stay home and rest.  My sister couldn't stand it though, she came to the hospital at about 3am.  (Later, I was glad she came while she was holding my hair through the puking).  While they were setting up for the epidural my waterbroke.  In my drunkenness, I thought the baby had came out., then I thought to myself if I could just sit in the warm amniotic fluid because it kinda helped with the contractions (ew?)..haha. Immediately Matt and my sister were on the phone telling everyone to get to the hospital.  My sister had called my mom a few minutes sooner when I was hurting so bad.  In the mean time I was about to panic because I thought I was going to have to have my baby naturally!   My nurses were awesome though.... they pressure bagged my fluid bolus in (which you have to get IV before you get an epidural to prevent low blood pressure which an epidural can sometimes cause), and my anesthesiolgist was awesome.  One stick and 15 minutes later I was a different woman, in labor and delivery heaven!  Thank the good Lord for fentanyl.  I apologized to my nurse for my outbursts and pain intolerance, and thanked her for good work.

post epi-dural, one happy pregnant lady :)

Anywho... my labor progressed right on.  My mom, mother-in-law, and sister-in-law all arrived in record time.  The epidural didn't slow me down a bit.  Maybe it was because I was already in very active labor when I got it.  I only felt pressure for the contractions.  My OB was very suprised.  At 9:05am I was complete and started pushing at 9:40.  At 10:40 my baby was here!  Now let me just say this, that pushing is no joke.  It's not like the movies, three pushes and baby is out.  I pushed, and pushed, and panted, and pushed.  Kudos to my nurses though... my delivery was very laid back.  I would push during a contraction, then we would all chit-chat until the next one.  My L&D nurse did a lot of the work.  My doctor didn't show up until about 30 minutes into pushing.  I started to get worried that I might not be able to get her out, but they assured me I was doing good.  I also asked for the mirror, yes that might be strange and gross, but it helped.  Ecspecially when she started crowning, it gave me the extra motivation I needed to really push!  They kept telling me to get mad and push... how could I get mad during such a happy time!  I was about to meet my angel!

Words cannot describe the feeling when she was born.  Talk about happy tears :)  Everyone cried.

Everyone was in shock about how big she was!  And the blonde hair!  Oh my.  She shocked us for s

ure.  Throughout my pregnancy I had pictured a petite, brown haired, little girl.  Life is full of suprises.  She was the  most beautiful thing I had ever seen.  It was love at first sight.  It was so overwhelming.  I felt suffocated with emotion and nothing else in the world mattered.  She was perfect.  Ten perfect fingers, ten perfect toes, chubby little cheeks, absolutely precious.  How can you not believe in God after something like that?

Norah Kate

12/29/2011

 8lbs 11.8ounces, 20 3/4 inches long

She was the biggest baby in the nursery!!

After she was born, I don't remember if I felt any pain while they were stitching me up.  I had a third degree tear. Every thing I had experienced... all of the pain and discomfort, the labor, it was all worth it.  Oh yeah, and I decided that I just might go through it all again... one day :)

Our First Family Pic!

My Own Sweet By & By

So, I know some people may be wondering how I came up with my title to my blog.  While thinking, I came up with the traditional names, you know, "A day in the life of," "Katie's Story," etc.  None of them seemed to fit,and I wanted something somewhat unique.  Growing up in church, I love the old traditional hymns and this is one of my favorites.

"There's a land that is fairer than day,

and by faith we can see it afar;

for the Father waits over the way,

To prepare us a dwelling place there.

In the sweet by and by,

We shall meet on that beautiful shore;

In the sweet by & by,

We shall meet on that beautiful shore."

While I know that the time we all go to Heaven will be a wonderful "by & by."  I plan on making my life here on this earth as sweet as possible.  Never taking a single day for granted, and taking a moment to thank God for all his many blessings.  Especially now, now that I have married the love of my life, have a job that I love, and a little girl who has my whole heart!

I think I have always been one, with my Type A personality, to look for something better... there has to be a way to make things even MORE perfect.  Well motherhood changed all that, because I believe nothing is more perfect than my little girl, and it really toned me down a little bit.  She is my own personal miracle.  No, we didn't have troubles getting pregnant, or have any health problems, or any difficulties during pregnancy.  We were very fortunate in that account.  Every day that she smiles, cries, and coos just melts my heart that much more and has brought me so much closer to God, because I know that she came from Him.  She is our gift from Him, and for that I owe Him everything.  I no longer look to see how things can be "better," because in my eyes my life is perfect right now.  The only thing I now want to improve is my relationship with The Lord, because I owe that to Him and my baby girl.  I know that if I follow Him, I will be the model mother, wife, and Christian.

Before Norah Kate was born I was in a rut, a spiritual rut.  I didn't study in my Bible, I went to church but wasn't there mentally, just physically.  I still believed in Jesus Christ as my savior, but that wasn't enough.  I was being spiritually lazy.  I am guilty; I thought I already had everything.  I was married to my soulmate, had a wonderful job, a house that was paid for, essentially no bills, everything... I say this shamefully now, but I feel like I need to get it out because I never talked to anyone about it.  This is the first time I think I have really admitted how lazy I had gotten spiritually.  I didn't pray like a should... I was not a "worker" (this is a term we are using in church services now, how we as Christians should be "workers" for the Lord.  However, God was not going to let his child wander too far.  He gave me Norah Kate.  I got pregnant and watching this little being, knowing it was a gift from God, a true miracle, grow inside me renewed my relationship with Him.  Her birth, the miracle of life itself, made me thirst for Him.  So, now I am rebuilding my relationship with the Lord, and I have a lot of work to do.    During this time, I think about my own mother, she is a spiritual rock.  She knows her scripture, she turns to God for everything, she prays, she amazes me.  She is also a wonderful mother, the epitomy of motherhood.  I want to be that.  I owe it to Norah Kate, I owe it to myself. So pray for me, all you prayer warriors out there... that I can continue to grow closer to the Lord, and that through Him, I will grow as a mother and wife and be a role-model for my little girl.

That is my testimony... A child of God that became lazy, that wandered... not too far, but far enough.  He graciously accepted me back into his arms.  He gave me my little miracle that I needed to bring me back to Him.  So until I make it to the true sweet by & by, I want to eenjoy this mortal world, make the most of it, be the most I can be spiritually, not waste my time here being "lazy."  I want to relish in my many blessings.  Thank you God, for all your many blessings, for my life, for my baby girl and for your Son Jesus Christ that gave his life to wash us of our sins.  That is true love.  Amen.

Here we go...

As if motherhood isn't enough of  a challenge for me, I have decided that I would try and start a blog.  I have always attempted to keep a diary and will do good for a week to a month, then get busy and quit writing.  I feel like with the daily changes my baby girl  makes I want to remember how I felt: the happiness, the love, the unknown, the exhaustion, the good & bad- everything.

So far, being a mommy has been the greatest and hardest thing I have ever had to do.  I would not trade it for anything in the world though.  The moment she was born, something changed in me.  My heart expanded to create room for a love so big and great that words cannot describe. 

Through out this blog I hope I can offer advice for other first time moms.  They can learn as I learn, so to say.  I came into this experience having no clue what it would be like and learn something new each and every day.  I plan to write about the every day "going-ons" in my life: motherhood, work, marriage.  So here is to trying something new, learning, and growing :)