The Breastfeeding Battle.. I mean Basics

Breastfeeding is supposed to be natural right, so convienent.  Not for this momma.  I don't think there has ever been anything more challenging.  It almost caused me to have a postpartum nervous breakdown.

I thought I was doing everything right.  I did skin to skin immdiately after delivery.  I attempted to nurse as soon as they brought her to me from the nursery.  I bought a nursing pillow.  I met with the lactation consultant.  I had my nurse watch me breastfed.  Everything.  Norah Kate wasn't latching to very well when we left the hospital.  My nurse and the lactation consultant assured me she was just sleepy and wouldn't nurse for very long this early and to keep trying.  So we went home, still breastfeeding.

Our first night home we sent everyone home, things were smooth, I didn't need any help.  And they did go great... she seemed to nurse ok.  Still not for very long.  Then day 3, our second night home, she nursed ok all day.  However, at about 1:30 that night, she forgot how to latch.  My milk had come in throughout the night and I was tight as a tick.  Engorgement.  I was sitting in the bed trying my darndest to get her to nurse, milk literally leaking out, and she would not latch on.  I was thinking to myself... what the heck is the problem!  The milk is pouring out??? Why can't you drink it?  I battled, and cried, and battled.  She would screams, choke, turn so red she was almost purple, pant, kick, claw... anything but nurse.  I finally woke Matt up and he took her and walked through the house bouncing and talking to her until she calmed down.  She settled down, he brought her back, and I tried again.  Nope, not happening.  I cried, "It shouldn't be this hard!  I don't know what I am doing wrong!"  I finally just took my shirt off in case that was hindering progress.  Nothing was helping.  So I cried, and we attempted to nurse, and we walked, and we bounced, and we cried.

At one point, Matt has Norah Kate and he was bouncing her.  He was walking and talking.  I am behind him, squaling, shirtless, milk dripping down, tears falling.  Norah Kate screaming.  "You are just going to have to calm down," he said.  I still don't know if he was talking to me or her.  This is why I love my husband.  The sensible, calm one in a crisis.  At about 3:30 I send my mom a text, "Come to house first thing in the am, we are going to see a lactation consultant."  I was also texting my sweet sister-in-law who is a L&D nurse, asking if their lactation consultant would be a work that day.  Finally at 6:30, we still had not successfully nursed, I can remember how pitiful my baby looked.  Screaming her head off, starving.  It looked like she was shriveling up before my eyes (I was this delusional, yes), then I remember the hospital had given me a hand pump.  I frantically hand pump a bottle for her, but I thought I was breaking some breastfeeding law.  They tell you, no pacifiers, no nipples, no bottles, no formula supplementation, that all of this will lead to ineffective breastfeeding.  As a nurse, I wanted to breastfeed.... I knew how good it was for the baby, and for me...I wanted to be a pro at it.

Anyways, I call my mom, crying my eyes out (apparently the postpartum hormones were at their peak), telling her to come quick to the house, that I couldn't feed the baby, she wouldn't latch.  When mom arrives, I am sitting in the recliner, still crying, holding my sweet angel, Matt is looking exhausted and forlorned on the couch.  Even our poor dog looked exasperated.  She tiptoed in the house, "What in the world happened?"  "I practically starved her!!" I exclaimed.  Mama comforted me and assured me she didn't look starved.  I dreaded the next feeding.  I felt like a failure of a mother.  I was supposed to be able to do this, I wasn't supposed to need help.

I called the lactation consultant prompty at 8:00am and left a pitiful message.  I couldn't control the tears in my voice.  She told me to keep trying, that my milk had come in and I was engorged.  She told me to take a hot shower and take some pressure off and to use the hand pump to release some pressure so that she could latch better.  Also, don't go any longer than 2-3 hours without nursing.  Most importantly, drink plenty of fluids, eat, and RELAX.  So we try that, all with success.  We were back to breastfeeding!  Yay!

Not so fast, like clock work, when the sun went down, the issues all came back.  For some reason she got cranky and fiesty at night (probably because that was her day time seeing as I worked nights during my pregnancy).  Bring on the kicking, screaming, and clawing.  She would not latch despite all my efforts and newly learned tricks.  My sister in laws tried to help, my mother in law, my mom... everyone.   I don't think I ever had so many people touching on my boobs.  At one point even my poor daddy was standing in the doorway.  He didn't like seeing his two babies in such distress.  This time my mama stayed the night and I graciously welcomed her.

The next night was no different... if anything it was worse.  We still weren't latching, even with the pump taking pressure off.  Nonetheless, because we were having so many difficulties and I was so stressed and exhausted my milk supply dropped.  I was only pumping an 1-1.5 ounces when she was taking 2.  Talk about a frantic mama.  I was a nervous wreck.

The next day, now that my lactation consultant was on speed dial, I called her again.  As a nurse, I was counting diapers, we weren't meeting the criteria, and she was looking jaundiced to me.  Now, my type A personality was not going to let this beat me.  I was not going down without a fight.  I starting taking fenugreek, a herbal supplement to help with my supply (sometime over the next day or so, I dropped down to almost nothing when I pumped), started pumping every hour to 2 hours, and still nursing.  I did have to supplement with a few formula bottles when I didn't have enough pumped up.  I was pumping double time to try and keep up with her.  At our first pediatricians check up she had lost down to 7lbs 13 ounces, I was heartbroken.  They assured me that was alright, to keep breastfeeding, and that the jaundice didn't look so bad, but to call if it got worse.

The battle continues... I can't remember now which days were what, but I researched, Googled, called lactation consultants, friends who breastfed, ate everything in site, drank gobs and gobs of water, everything to try and increase my supply.  I tried different nursing positions.  Everything to get her to latch.  I even laid in bed for about 4 hours half naked one afternoon doing skin to skin with her (I really think that helped alot! So did the fenugreek.)  Finally when my baby was a little over a week old, my mother-in-law gets me a nipple shield.  For those who don't know, a nipple shield is a little plasticky, rubbery thing sorta  shaped like a bottle nipple that goes over your breast.  It was a life saver!!!  We were latching like a pro with that thing. Why my lactation consultant didn't suggest that, I don't know.

So now we were rocking along, and still are.  I still pump occasionally to keep her used to drinking for a bottle, and to monitor my supply.  No more nipple shield for us, I gradually weaned her from it when she was about a month old.  I also weaned myself off the fenugreek.  Most importantly no more formula!!  Bless her heart, hopefully those 3 or 4 formula bottles she got supplemented with won't affect her longterm (just kidding).

Now breastfeeding still isn't easy.  Oh no ma'm.  We still kick and claw, and scream occasionally.  She nurses so aggressively.  She drinks so fast, and gets mad as fire if it isn't coming out right.  You know how you see those people breastfeeding in public, covered up so nicely.  Nope, that is not us.  I would flash anyone who is watching.  There is no keeping that baby covered.  It's like wrestling a wild hog most of the time when she nurses. Also, it's really not more convienent.  Because my little one is so wild, I can not nurse in public, I have to go to the car, or a bedroom.  You constantly have to think about what you are wearing (Is this shirt something easy to open or lift up? Dresses are out of the question.) And talk about the mess, usually at the end of a feeding we are both soaked through with breastmilk and sweat.   I do it though, A because I am not a quitter, and B it's sooo good for her and for me.  Not to mention the precious bonding time, when she is nursing good, not fighting me every step of the way.  There is truly nothing sweeter. 

My advice to new moms out there who have milk supply/latch issues in the beginning (lactation consultants click your tongues and shake you head if you wish)... don't be afraid to supplement if you have to, but pump like crazy, and still try to nurse.  Go ahead and buy some Fenugreek just in case.  Don't you dare let that formula bottle take the place of a feeding without pumping because you will dry up for sure.  Pump every 2 hours ATLEAST to build up your supply (They call it Power Pumping).  I am not an expert by any means, but I had to learn the hard way.  Most importantly, eat right and drink plenty.  I was so busy being "mommy" I forgot to eat.  Yeah, I lost down to pre-pregancy weight 3 or 4 days postpartum, but my dairy ran dry too, shot myself in the foot so to say!  Keep trying and don't be afraid to ask for help!  Also, use a nipple shield if it is a latch issue- you won't be breaking some breastfeeding law.  Just find out what works best for you and your baby.

I hope to keep breastfeeding for the first year, but we shall see how things go when I go back to work.  See I work 12 hour shifts and am responsible for 2 to 3 patients who are critically ill... so hopefully I will find the time to break away for 10-15 minutes to go pump, and hopefully my co-workers will be supportive.  Let the trials and challenges of motherhood continue....