It Was Just a Dream

I have always been a vivid dreamer, but have never really been one to have nightmares... you know, the dreams that make you wake up in a cold sweat with your heart about to beat our of your chest.  I had crazy dreams while I was pregnant, but ever since giving birth they have evolved into nightmares!

The dreams usually have the same sort of theme to them.  They also seem very real!!  All of the bad dreams involve the baby and I have been having them several nights during the week.  Here are a few of my dreams:

• I keep dreaming that Norah Kate is in the bed with us and I will wake up all freaked out and start flinging covers back and searching for her in the bed... I am scared that the covers are over her face or I am laying on top of her.  I have even snatched Hoss up before thinking he was her. (Poor thing, talk about a rude awakening for him....)  Now, I don't know why I dream this... I think it might be because of the whole SIDS thing and the horror stories about babies who die because they got suffocated by a parent or a pillow in Mommy & Daddy's bed... eekk!  It just really don't make sense because NK don't sleep with us.  She is safe and sound in her pack and play with no pillows, blankets, or toys and always has been.  I may let her nap on the couch with me during the day... but she doesn't sleep with us at night.
• Another dream involves losing her in some way or another... I can't find her, or I am trying to get her from a bad guy who is running away with her.  One night I dreamed that someone was on drugs and driving really crazy with us in the backseat, I kept trying to get us out of the car but could never leave fast enough, the bad guy would always take her away and put her back in the car.  In another dream, I couldn't find her and finally found her at the shop asleep in a tractor tire.
• I also keep dreaming I am pregnant again.  Well, this isn't a nightmare, but I am not ready to have another baby just yet.  I think I have this one figured out though.  See, I really miss being pregnant.  I was just saying at work the other night, that a part of me wants to get pregnant, but just stay pregnant for like two years.  I loved being pregnant so much and I miss those little movements and hiccups inside, but I am in no way shape or form ready to physically give birth or have another newborn in this house!  Let's get the first one out of diapers please :)

Because I am having these dreams so often and they seem to have a pattern to them, I researched it.  I discovered that I am not alone!  Post partum nightmares are a common occurence and many other new mommies have similar dreams, especially the one about the baby in the bed!  It was a relief to know that  I have not completely lost my mind.  Haha!



I discovered that these dreams can be caused by the ever changing hormone levels, longer REM cycles and increased stress levels that are common in postpartum women.  Is what is funny to me is that I have the What to Expect the First Year, and I can't find anything about mommy nightmares in there!  Luckily my dreams don't make me feel less rested or keep me from going back to sleep.  Usually as soon as I realize that it is just a dream, I drift right back to sleep.  Here's to hoping for less nightmares and more happy dreams :)

He's There, If We Would Just Listen

Anyone who knows me, or has been reading my blog, knows I have been frustrated with going back to work.  I think the two reasons it has been tough on me is 1.) I am selfish and stingy with my baby... I want to be with her 24/7 and 2.) My workplace has made lots of cuts and changes including layoffs and pay cuts which has been discouraging.

Each weekend has been tougher and tougher and this past weekend I was bound and determined to find another way to make ends meet around the house until I got to doing my Bible study last night.

I started going to Bible study this week on Monday nights and the title/theme of our study is "The Frazzled Female."  (Perfect for this time of my life between being a new mommy and adjusting to going back to work.)  I told myself I wasn't going to blog about my study and learnings... that I was going to just let it be a private thing between me and God.  But this just hit me too hard not to share.

Anyways... this week's topic is about having a Positive Attitude.  Aaah Haa!  That's my problem.  I realized as soon as I read the scripture.  I am normally a really positive person, but I became Negative Nancy the moment I got the letter in the mail about the changes that the workplace made... and the problem just escalated from there.  I was ill and complaining about everything.

"Pleasant words are a honeycomb; sweet to the soul and healing to the bones" Proverbs 16:24

Above is the memory verse for this week.  Thank you God for speaking (wait, no, SHOUTING,) to me!  I heard you!  I serve an amazing God... He knew just what I needed and gave it to me in my Bible study this week!  I plan to work on getting my positive attitude back, and I am already feeling better :)

I never really thought about it, but it is sinful for us to be negative about the things God puts in our life.  He puts us in these situations for a reason, and we should not question or doubt Him.  We should have full and total faith and trust in Him and know that He is watching out for our well-being.(How could we not feel secure, knowing that Jesus has our back??)

I can't wait to see what the rest of the week has in store for me, I know it will be a blessing!

Happy Easter

Sunday was Norah Kate's first Easter! 

Overall we had a good day, I was just a zombie from working all night Saturday.  I went home and took about an hour nap before church, but was able to wake right up and get ready.  I even was able to stay awake for Easter dinner!  I had a hard time falling back to sleep though... I was laying in bed thinking, I have to get up in two hours, an hour and a half, one hour... ugh... It's a miserable feeling.   I finally went to sleep, and I think Matt felt bad for me because he let me sleep through the Easter egg hunt. 

Let's just say work Sunday night was rough...  Any of you who have family who works night shift... appreciate them when they come to family functions during the day and forgive them if they seem grumpy.  Just think, it would be like you waking up at 3am to go to a party.

 

I love my little cotton top!

 Who would want to sleep through this sweet face??



Norah Kate got all sorts of goodies from the Easter bunny!  Teething keys, outfits, bathing suit and cover up, summer sandals, and an Easter book!  She isn't spoiled one bit!

"All this for me, Mama?"

Another announcement:  Norah Kate rolled over for the first time!!  I was so mad that I missed it!  Of course she did it during the two hours I slept.  Matt had set her in the pack and play and heard her fussing.  Whenever he walked in the room she was on her tummy!  I am so proud of her, but am glad no one else saw it first hand without me!  Haha!  She hasn't done it again since though...

This was my second weekend back at work and so far isn't any easier.  Ya'll please keep praying for me.   I think this weekend was harder than the first!  I hate leaving her and miss her every second I am gone.  I am hoping I was just so emotional because I was tired and it was a holiday.  I am so family oriented that I feel like I am supposed to be with my family on special days like this!  I have been brainstorming all week about something I can do from home, so far nothing has triggered :( 

Hi Ho, Off to Work We Go

Weekend before last was my first weekend back at work, and it actually went better than I expected.  I was nervous for multiple reasons: 1.) I have never been away from Norah Kate that long.  Thirteen to fourteen hours away from my baby girl seemed unbearable. 2.) My workplace has made A LOT of changes... I was kinda scared of what I was walking back in to. 3.)  I was nervous that I had forgotten how to be a nurse.

I wasn't nervous about how NK would do without me, I was worried about how I would do with out her.  I knew she was in good hands.  I am so glad she is able to stay with family while I am at work.  Between Matt, my mama and my mother-in-law,  she did so good for everyone all weekend!

Work had made changes, but I was able to adjust quickly.  My nursing skills are apparently like riding a bike.... I didn't take me long to remember what I was doing :)

Every night I called to check on her frequently.  Everyone kept texting me everytime she took a bottle, got a bath, or went poopie...haha, the things you care about as a mommy!  Saturday I didn't hardly sleep during the day, I was still nursing her every three hours and didn't want to miss anything while she was awake.  Sunday I was exhausted so I slept better.  Matt kept her out of the house most of the day and only brought her to me when she was hungry.  Sunday was the hardest day to leave her though... I was missing my baby, but I knew it was my last night and it went by quickly.  Mondays will probably be my toughest day.  I was really tired from only having about 8-10 hours of sleep all weekend, but fortunately she took several naps and we made it!

I had forgotten how much I really love my job.  I love being a mother, and if I had my choice that would be my career choice.  However, since I have to work, I choose nursing over everything else.  Most of the time I get a lot of joy from what I do.  I am a critical care nurse and really love it.  I couldn't picture myself doing anything else (besides being a mommy and housewife of course :) ).  It really is a rewarding profession!

There will be downfalls of working every weekend night.  Such as missing church on Sundays, weddings, family reunions, etc.  I can request off sometimes, but because I am weekends only I have to be really picky about what I request off for.  I have told myself I am going to try to go to church every other Sunday, or atleast Sunday school so I can get home and back to bed.  I am going to have to get in the habit of going on Wednesday night services too.  I need church in my life... when I don't go I can tell!  The best part though will be not having to put her in daycare.  I will be with her all week.  Also, when she gets a little older we can go to places during the week when it's less crowded, like the zoo or aquarium.

Going back to work was hard... and I dreaded it, but it ended up being okay.  I think after a few weeks we will be adjusted and it will be easier.  I am blessed to have been able to take 12 weeks off when most people go back after six or eight.  I am also grateful to have a job where I can work weekends and keep her at home during the week.  As much as I love my job though, if Matt came home and told me he wanted to to quit and stay home, I wouldn't think twice!!  Unfortunately, with him being a farmer... I am the one that has to carry the health insurance.  I don't know how we could ever afford to pay for it out of pocket!  So, until we win the lottery or something... I will probably be a working mama.

Three Months Old!

Wow, I have never known time to fly so fast!  Also, never had I wanted time to just stop so bad.  I cannot believe that three months ago I gave birth to  my sweet little bundle.  Amazing!  My presh baby girl is three months old!  Here is a quick little update on Miss Norah Kate:



Mama's Big Girl

What does she like?
-Well, she likes her "friends."  That is what Matt and I call her mobile.  She talks and laughs at them every morning/night while in her pack and play.  The other morning, she woke me up talking to her "friends" at 3am.  Ohhh, I can see it now... a teenager on the phone in the middle of the night.
-She loves her hands.  I am afraid I have a thumb sucker on my hands.  Sometimes, she will try to fit both her paci and thumb in her mouth.  When she isn't trying to stuff her fist in her mouth, she is looking at them.  She will also bring them together like she is praying when she starts getting sleepy.  She brings them right up to her face and clasps them together.  It is possibly the most cutest thing ever.
-The baby in the mirror.  In my car, I have a mirror in the backseat that reflects off my rearview mirror so that I can peek on her while driving.  She laughs and coos and talks to the baby in the mirror.
-Bathtime.  Plain and simple.  She can be cranky and a bath cheers her right on up :)
-I have a baby that loves to be outside.  Already.  I didn't think she could possibly know the difference, but I swear she does.  I have been going walking on most afternoons for the past two months and have recently started jogging.  I can tell when we don't go because I have a cranky baby on my hands (well, to be honest, we are both a little cranky).  I think the fresh air does us both good!

What don't we like?
-Being hot.  She gets it from her mama.  I cannot stand to get hot and sweaty.  I can get ill as a hornet.  Well, my daughter is just like that.
-We still aren't crazy about tummy time.  I was reading where she should be up to 20 minutes of "tummy time" in a day.  Not necessarily consecutively, but throughout the day.  Haha, yeah, right.  We are lucky is Miss Prissy will tolerate 5 minutes of tummy time.  We are getting better though.  Each day we maybe add on another minute or so....
-  There isn't much she doesn't like...she is really a happy baby!  Keep her fed, well-rested, burped, and cool and she is just a doll!

Lookin' just like her daddy!



What else are we up to?
-When we take a bottle (of breastmilk still of course!), she drinks 6 ounces.
-She is wearing most of her 3-6 month stuff, and has outgrown half of her 0-3 month clothes.  I kid you not, one day I put a pair of shoes on her and they fit... two days later I put them on again and had to put them in the box of "stuff that no longer fits!"  She outgrew them overnight, literally...  This makes Mommy really sad, although I am proud of my healthy, chunky girl!
-After we use the last few size 1 diapers, we will officially be graduated to size 2.
-We are sleeping through the night.  By sleeping through the night, I mean she will sleep 6-8 hour stretches.  Since she normally falls asleep around 8:30ish, she sometimes wakes up at 3 or 4 wanting to nurse.  She goes right back to sleep though and will sleep until 7 or 8.
-She still sleeps in our room in her pack and play.  Not ready to even discuss putting her in her room yet.
-My little chatter box is talking up a storm.  Mostly ooohhhs and aaahhhs.  Every once in a while an ahhgoo.  Lots of squeals.  I swear, ya'll, she is the cutest baby ever.  Who needs TV when you have a baby?  Lately, she will stop in the middle of nursing and carry on a conversation with me.  I wonder what she is really thinking or trying to say?  I talk back though, just like I know exactly what she is telling me!
-NK can almost roll over.  She can roll on her side, but that's as far as she goes... I give it a few more weeks.
-She has always been one to fight sleep a little bit, but now she is doing this new thing where she will shake her head from side to side.  Hard.  I keep thinking she is going to give herself whiplash.  She will also sling her arms out and rub her face.  She hates it when the Mr. Sandman gets in her eyes!

Half sucking, half gnawing on that teething ring.  Starting to drool a lot so I am wondering we are about to start teething...



I have officially started back work, we are adjusting... that will have to be another blog, another day.